People wonder why I hate whores. This should make things a little more clear. Just look at this land monster. First of all, she should be thanking me for even letting her in my apartment. When I first peeked out the window and saw her coming to my door, I thought about calling animal control and saying there’s a Yeti roaming through the parking lot …and that they should bring guns. But, I’m a nice guy and figured that I’d give her the benefit of the doubt. WRONG! As soon as she came into my apartment things started to go bad. She starts complaining about everything from me yelling at her to the fact that I can’t pay her right away for the shoot. What about me? I’m the one that has to fuck this ridiculous looking troglodyte. I can’t tell you the amount of times I felt like throwing up in my mouth.

- Jack

For the 2 years I was out of the adult industry I worked in the mainstream film world. I met some wonderfully hot actresses that could and would swallow a meat sword more readily than a crackwhore that needs a rock. Over those 2 years I fucked a lot of them. A LOT. I remember one well known actress that was actually on set waiting for a friend of hers (Another dumb attention whore of an actress that most of you would know.) I had heard that despite this pig’s wholesome public image that she would spread her legs at the drop of a hat. Consider me a hat dropper. I saw her sitting at the catering table reading a magazine when I figured I had my best shot with her. “Hey! You can’t hang around here. What are you an idiot?” I yelled at her. She stammered something about waiting for her friend and I interupted her with “I don’t care if you are waiting for an ambulance. You need to get off the set and do it now.” Now that I set the bait, I went in for the kill. “Wait a second. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. You didn’t know any better. You’re just a stupid broad.” That got her pretty fired up for some reason. The truth hurts, I guess. Anyway, one thing leads to another and we end up back in my office. I continue to flirt with her until she finally says “What’s your problem anyway?” I tell her “that my problem is that I’d known her for 15 minutes and she hadn’t sucked my dick yet. What are you saving yourself for marriage?” Within 2 minutes of that statement I had this star of stage and screen chugging my cock like it was filled with acting talent. I give her million dollar mug a coating of Jack Juice and send her on her way. I have many happy memories of my days in mainstream. I miss those days but for some reason I feel much more at home with traditional fuck films and porn skanks.

Jack

Today would have been my 2nd wedding anniversary. WOULD HAVE BEEN. Instead, today is just another day that I hope my ex-wife falls into a vat of AIDS tainted blood. A brief recap of our life together. I met Cheryl at a punk rock show on a trip to Chicago several years ago. We hit it off right away. She wasn’t intimidated by my good looks (unlike other women. ) She was attractive at the time too. I haven’t seen her in a few months but I’d like to think she is walking around Chicago with 2 black eyes and a terminal case of pussy rot. Things were going pretty well with our relationship until we ended up in Vegas one weekend. We’re on our 2nd day in Vegas. I haven’t slept yet. I’ve been living on scotch, champagne and vicodin for 48 hours when I get on a hot streak at the craps table. In a matter of 90 minutes I win close to $70,000. naturally putting me in a great mood. When my luck starts to change on the table, I cash out and head for the room to crash. Cheryl stops me and says “The wedding chapel is a 5 minute cab ride. What do you think about getting married?” In my drunken, drug induced stupor it seemed like a good idea. It was not. First of all, it seemed like immediately following the ceremony she began to get fat. I think she gained 5 lbs on the cab ride back to the hotel. I let that go and we got back to the hotel and slept. When I woke up things went from bad to worse. This fucking cum dumpster actually says to me “Now that we’re married, I think…”  I stop her right the fuck there. “You are done thinking. I do the thinking for both of us now.” I’m a bit old fashioned in that way. She says “Excuse me?” I walk up to her, put my face 2 inches from hers and yelled “YOU DON’T THINK!” Things got better for a while after that. Unfortunately that did not last. For some reason no matter how much I would scream at her she would still find ways to disappoint me. Fast forward to 6 months ago. I’m hanging out at this bar with a friend of mine. I look over at one of the tables and who do I see? Cheryl. With some guy. I lose it. I walk over to confront her and when she sees me a look of “oh shit” comes over her now pudgy face. She starts to say something as I throw a roundhouse kick to the face of her new guy. I proceed to beat him within an inch of his life. I did so much damage to his grill that his dentist should send me a card that says “Thanks for buying me this new boat!” Anyhow, long story short. The dude was Cheryl’s BROTHER. How the fuck was I supposed to know? The fucking bitch never got over that. Whatever happened to “forgive and forget?” I guess she not only has the cankles of an elephant but also the memory of one. Whatever. I realize that I’m a better person than her and nothing will change that.

Jack

Dinner last night was fantastic. I got the filet, rare. I also enjoyed a few glasses of a Pinot Noir from the Russian River Valley. No desert though. I want to remain nimble enough to walk brisky out of harms way if a truck is barreling down on me as i cross the street. I did have a great night last night. Hell, the whole day was like a dream come true. Thank you, Superdummy! Whever you are!

Today hasn’t been quite as wonderful as yesterday. I got some contract work recently to shoot 25 handjob scenes for a site that will be launching in a few months. It’s a pretty good deal. I get to do my own thing with it. No idiot producers running their stupid mouths at me, wanting this or that. I hire the sluts, shoot the content and present it all when I’m done. I’ve shot a few so far with excellent results because I know my shit (unlike most pornographers.) Today was the exception. I’m still in a great mood from the Superdummy gift yesterday when the whore shows up for the scene today. I know she is going to be nothing but trouble right from the start. She comes into my apartment and immediately says “I know the shoot is scheduled for 10AM but can we start at 10:30? I had an asthma attack on the way over here and my inhaler makes me jittery for a little while after I use it. I just want to catch my breath so you are happy with the scene.”

As you would imagine from hearing that, I just started getting pretty furious. My good mood went out the window. Who the fuck is this cunt to change shit around? Apparently Handjob Harriot thinks she is running the show. Nothing pisses me off more than a demanding bitch like like her. I tell her “Absolutely not. The shoot is scheduled for 10AM and you will be stroking my cock by 10:01.” Now get this, this mouthy pig says “I understand, but I’m not sure I’ll do as well right away. Can we wait until 10:15 and try it. You can pay me 1/2 of what we agreed on for the shoot. I just want it to look good.” At this point, I just need to get away from her before something horrible happens. I take a walk around the apartment to cool off. I get back to the livingroom and tell her “It’s 9:55 right now. If I’m not rolling tape in exactly 5 minutes, things are going to get very ugly here. Uglier than your stupid whore face. ” FINALLY she runs in and gets changed. We roll tape at 10AM on the button. She gives a TERRIBLE performance (no professional pride just like most of these pigs) and then leaves. I kick back on my couch for a bit. Killing time until my next appointment at 3PM. I hate that I let these fucking douchebags get me all riled up.

Jack

About 7AM this morning I’m leaving my apartment to go for a run. I turn the corner out of my parking lot just as this dumb whore is walking across the street TALKING ON HER CELLPHONE. At this moment everything slowed down to half speed. I see a landscapers pick-up truck barrelling towards her. The driver obviously doesn’t see her. right at the last minute he slams on the breaks, goes into a skid and still plows into the whore at a good clip. She goes flying through the air like SuperDummy. She lands (ironically) right in the middle of a CROSSWALK! Her face is so fucked up that it looks like she just finished a raw hamburger eating contest. The ambulance comes and they throw the white sheet over the whore and I go for my run. Fast forward about 45 minutes later. I’m finishing my run right near the scene. I stopped to cool down and when I look down on the ground. I FIND HER POCKETBOOK! I check inside and find $83.00 and some change. I walk into my complex, throw the bag into the dumpster and pocket the cash. Even dead whores can be profitable! I’ve been on cloud 9 all day. I think I’m going to treat myself to a nice dinner tonight.

jack

MILFS. MOMS I’d like to fuck. GROSS. What exactly is hot about some 43 year old that has shit out 4 future felons? At what point did we go from enjoying waching that hot little slut Brandi Belle get railed by a new dude every week to wanting to see some aging meth head get deep dicked for money so she can buy baby formula and cigarettes? Is that really hot? Do these people that like this stuff only eat food that is past it’s “use by” date? I came across milfsoup.com a little while ago. They had chicks on that site that were groupies for Beethoven. Do the people that run that site hate their cocks so much that they force them into senior citizens? I don’t want to shoot any model that uses an AARP card for their 2nd ID.

Jack

What the fuck is with the glut of female directors and producers lately? Am I missing something when I think of women as the product which MEN use to make a living? I’ve only been gone for 2 years and all of a sudden these studios and websites have gone all soft and put females IN CHARGE! Do thse morons also let their pets handle their personal finances? What kind of thought process are these people using? “I need to boost sales and productivity. Why not hand the reigns over to that chick I hired 6 months ago for that double anal?” Idiots. It’s not just big companies that irk me. Take burningangel.com for instance. Joanna Angel is running the show there. Now they seem to be doing ok business-wise despite that banged up skank fronting the joint. Unfortunately for porn surfers she is turning their productions into run of the mill hollywood style porn. I’ll give her credit though, for a whore with a face like Yogi Berra after a stroke, she has had quite a decent run of things. I think we have to assume that there must be a man behins the scenes pulling the strings though.

Ok, I have shit to do. Check back later. I have a lot on my mind.

Jack

I’m sitting at home last night watching Dancing with the Stars. Watching Heather Mills,that one-legged Beatle fucker hop around onstage gives me incredible wood. It puts me in a real good mood. My phone rings. It’s some broad wanting to do a shoot. We discuss the details and I book her for today then I quickly hangup to get back to my show. Fast forward to 3 hours ago. This broad shows up and get this… she’s black. This slut didn’t even have the common courtesy to give me a heads up that she was so … exotic. I like black people as much as anyone. In fact, I’m voting for Obama. I’m also a realist. I’m put on the spot here. Now here I am at the last minute trying to get ready for the shoot while trying to hide anything of value in my apartment. Unreal. Not only that but I have to find somone to fuck her. I’m certainly not going to break that taboo. I call around to some of my male talent and finally find someone home. Now I have to delicately break the news to him. I tell him that his co-star is much more comfortable sitting at the back of the bus. Unlike this whore, I have class. I’m not just going to spring this shit on him when he walks through the door. I agree to lock his wallet up in my safe while she is in the apartment. Disaster averted.

I had a new whore over for a shoot last night. She called me because another porn-pig gave her my number. She was in town from Detroit and was leaving in the morning. She begged me for a shoot, telling me how hot she is and how cheap she’ll work. She shows up and surprise surprise, she’s an ugly skank. Once again I figure my willingness to help another person in need will come back to bite me in the ass. Not so!

I let her into my apartment and tried to gently break it to her that I have some standards and that she is just an awful, disgusting piece of garbage. She nodded knowingly and continued to beg me for a shoot. I explained to her that the US Government has not come up with monetary denomination low enough to pay her what her skanky ass is worth. She insists she needs the money and will work for anything. I finally relented and told her I’d shoot a scene of her fucking a friend of mine (who has no standards) for a grandtotal of ……$7.00. That’s right. I gave this whore 7 one dollar bills to fuck a dude on camera and take a giant facial. Here is the best part. My friend paid ME $50.00 to fuck this whore. I actually made $43.00 hiring this douchebag.

This is my favorite kind of deal. Win(me), lose (my friend), lose (the whore). I’m just a man that likes to help people.

- Jack

I’ve been taking piano lessons once a week for the past year. This afternoon I was practicing my scales when my cell rings. I ignore it. Thinking I’ll just get the message later. Nope. The fucking thing rings again 2  minutes later. Then AGAIN. This time I pick it up and I’m pretty steamed. Naturally it’s a whore looking for work. First words out of her mouth were “Do you work with BBWs?” Not “Hello, is this a good time?” or “Hi, this is so and so. I got your number from blah blah blah.” Nope. Just “Do you work with BBWs?” My first instinct is to to tell the fat pig “of course not” and hang up the phone. BUT since she ruined my afternoon practice I figured I’d make her pay a little. I give her my address and tell her to get her fat fucking pig legs moving and be here in an hour if she wants an interview. I immediately shut off the AC in my apartment and go down to the lobby of my building and put an “out of order” sign on the elevator. Walking up three flights of stairs might do her some good. Just about an hour later this ghastly troll waddles up to my door. She looks like a manatee that just wore a sundress into a steam room. This enormous failure was soaked to the bone. She crams herself through my doorway and pants “Hi. I’m Candy. The BBW.” No fucking shit. Did she think I was going to mistake her for Angelina Jolie and ask her for an autograph? By the way, can you believe she goes by “Candy”? Must be because that’s what she’s filled with. Anyhow, I look her up and down and just say “Not interested.” She says “But I came all the way over here.” I tell her that I’m sorry that she burned all those precious calories walking up my stairs. I offered to give her some of the bacon I have in my fridge. Now get this… she gets offended and tell me to “fuck off.” I lose my shit. I grab her bag of clothes and snacks and hurl them out of my window. Raining Moomoos and pork rinds onto my parking lot. I tell her that she’s next if she doesn’t get waddling out of here. She takes off down the hallway like a wild boar on fire. Mission accomplished. Now I can get back to my piano in peace.

Jack