Have you ever woken up craving something and you just can’t put your finger on what it is? I woke up that way  this morning. I sat on my couch and drank my breakfast shake and tried to plan out my DAY OFF. No stupid whores to ruin my free day this week. I need some me time. Tuesday is for Jack. So anyway, I go to put the glass into the sink when I finsh and what catches my eye? My bicep. I’m looking fucking pretty jacked. All the extra time at the gym and the steroids are really starting to pay dividends. Just then it occurs to me what I’m craving. A fight. I haven’t had a fistfight with a man in years. I think today might be the day I do it again. I imagine watching 5 hours of MMA last night must have planted the seed in my head about getting into a fight. I need to work shit out in my head to not only get into a fight but also WIN the motherfucker! These are a few things I’m considering to give me the edge in any battle I take on:

1) Fight someone smaller than myself.  I don’t need to take on Kimbo Slice in my first fucking bout. I’ll get to that later on. I’ll build to it.

2) Don’t be too proud to hit someone when they aren’t looking or if they are distracted. Also, hitting low is a very good tactic. If I took anything away from watching The Karate Kid, it was “Sweep the leg.” That could also be interpretted as “punch the groin.”

3) NEVER GIVE UP! If I’m losing the fight badly, I need to stay focused on victory. I need to use my fucking smarts. For instance, if my opponent is really beating on me, I will pretend to give up or fake an injury. Once they show mercy I will resume my attack while their guard is down.

Those are just a few things I may do to tip the odds in my favor. Now I just need to figure out WHO to fight. There is this whore I know that has a real asshole boyfriend that might be a good candidate for a beating. He’s very frail but he has a real BIG FUCKING MOUTH. A real shit talker. I may have to dial him up! If not him I’ll just play it by ear and just go out and pick on people until I can goad one into fighting me. Why not? I have the whole motherfucking day off!

I’ll check in with you bitches later and let you know how it turned out.

Jack

My stupid Ipod is broken so I had to send it out to get fixed. I wanted to get a few CDs to listen to so I had to head out to a record store a couple of towns over. There’s actually a branch of the same store right near my house but I’m not allowed in there because of an incident that happened last year. I get to the shop and start lookng around. I noticed the “Staff picks” section. That’s where the loser minumum wage workers give people WITH real jobs and money ADVICE on what’s good. How fucking ironic. As I perused that section I noticed that “Corey” really liked the new Coldplay album. Corey is obviously a douchebag. I grabbed all the Coldplay CDs from their slot and walked over to the “New Age” section of the store and hid the crappy Coldplay CDs in the back of that crappy section. They won’t stumble across those fucking things until the next millenium. Fuck you, Corey.

I wondered around the store for a while trying to find something that would catch my eye. I was camped out near the punk/hardcore section when this chick came over and asked me if i needed any help. When I looked up, I saw the hottest little raver chick standing there. I looked her up and down and said “Nope.” She said “Well, if you do let me know. I’m whateverthefuckhernamewas” I said “I’m Jack. I make hot bitches like you rich.” She said something to the effect of “I have to go” Naturally I followed her around the store pitching her on her benefits of fucking strangers on video for cold hard cash. She played it off like she was just going about her job, not paying attention to what I was telling her. I could tell the wheels were turning in her empty skull. She was probably trying to figure out how many cocks she’d have to swallow to be able to afford a case of glow sticks and a few candy necklaces. Just as I’m making some progress with Raverpig, another employee comes over and asks if there is a problem. I look at his name tag (That’s when you know you’ve made it in life. When you are a grown adult and you wear a fucking name tag) and yes, of course, it’s Corey. I tell him that I have 2 problems. One, I have a problem with him liking Coldplay. Their new CD is so fucking gay it should come with a bottle of AZT. My other problem is him jumping in when I’m trying to do business with his co-worker. That set him off. Apparently, they were dating and he didn’t want strangers approaching her with sex industry jobs. “Well, if she doesn’t want to be approached for sex she shouldn’t walk around wearing make-up and nice clothes.” At this point, I realize that she is more trouble than she is worth. I give her my card and say “Call me when your rent is due.” and I walked out.

I’m buying my music on Itunes from now on.

I found the remote. I packed it up with my video equiptment by mistake.

Jack

Weird friggen day. I had a chick show up for a handjob shoot that looked a lot like this girl Lisa I used to stalk. It was hard to tell because I haven’t seen Lisa from any closer than 500 ft in about a year. Anyway, this whore comes in prepared, looking good and didn’t open up her stupid whore mouth and get on my nerves. She gave a great fucking performance. She beat my cock like it was leading in the homestretch at the Preakness. Smooth fucking sailing. I pay her and she leaves. About a half hour later I’m kicking back getting ready to watch a little Sportscenter when I can’t find my tv remote. Instantly I knew that she must have stolen it. I replay the whole day in my head when I remember leaving her alone in my livingroom for at 45 seconds while I took a leak. That’s when she must have taken it. Unfucking believable. I can’t believe that I bought that whole professionalism act. Who the fuck can you trust anymore? I’m honestly more sad than I am angry. No. I’m actually way more angry. I’m not sad at all. I’m just completely filled with rage at what that coniving little whore did. She’ll fucking get hers though. As God as my witness. She will fucking PAY for FUCKING with ME.

JACK

I’m fucking pissed! I’m driving back from church today and I get an angry phone call from the dummy with deep pockets from NJ. He is backing out of the deal we had. Apparently he heard about how I was planning on scamming him. Well, motherfuckers, it had to be one of you assholes that told him. I didn’t tell anyone but you fucking fucking jerks! I bust my crank every day to share my experiences with you and one of you turns Judas on me. Unreal. He knew every fucking detail down to the BMW I was going to buy. Explain that! The dummy even knew that I was calling him a dummy! It was a very awkward situation but I dealt with it by hanging up on him.

This was a real eye opener for me. I don’t know who the bad egg is that betrayed me but I’m not going to make everyone suffer because of it. Don’t be a coward. Come forward and we can settle this like men. In the meantime, I’m going to go on with my life and continue to share my experiences with you …whether you like it or not.
OUT
Jack

Good news to any apiring male porn stars. You’re in! Apparently there are no requirements at all. I just watched a couple of videos from burningangel.com. A site that I’ve mentioned in the past. I love punk rock girls, but not when they are being fucked by the two goofiest men in porn (Nick Manning excluded) James Deen and Tommy Pistol. That site is loaded with some outrageously fucking sweet punker sluts. I highly recommend checking it out. I also recommend that if you ever run into James Deen or Tommy Pistol that you punch them in the spot where their cocks used to be.

Tommy Pistol: I hate you and your dumb facial expressions so much! Who gave you the idea that looking like a goofball at all times was good porn ? Also, could you please go out and buy a fucking razor and shave that retarded semi-beard thingy off your stupid mug? You are bad at porn and a failure in life.

James Deen: What a fruit. I think PAULA DEEN is more masculine that this twink. He looks like he’d rather be scrapbooking than nailing all of this hot tail. By the way, Is there some sort of “no cum allowed” rule for the boy/girl scenes on burningangel? Holy shit, this dude shoots a load like he’s 95 years old. You make Randy West look like Peter North. Can’t you even pretend to dig chicks? I’d shoot a better load after jerking off 3 times before the scene. Shame on you, James Deen, put a fucking shirt on you skinny little puke.

I’m almost halfway through these fucking handjob videos. Thank God. I’m so fucking bored with having my cock tugged on by random whores. When this contract is up I’m going to make all the pigs that come in to shoot with me wear boxing gloves so they don’t get any cock pulling ideas. I really need to step up my game a bit in the casting department. I’m so busy doing EVERY FUCKING THING because I can’t trust anyone to do it as well as me, that I haven’t been out recruiting REAL new girls to come and shoot for me. The past week I’ve shot a bunch of road whores and wannabes. Today’s shoot just fucking drove the point home.  I had this douchebag locked in to a 3pm shoot. She calls at 2:30 and says she’s running late. I’m pissed but at least she called. She shows up at 3:30 and we get right down to it. I’m getting shit set up and giving her some last minute instructions and then we get going. I start shooting some stills. She is still dressed. I take a step closer to her and have her turn to the side and get this … (and I’m almost gagging while I type this)… The filthy cunt bag …. has a big load of cum DRIED on the side of her neck and face. This gross monster was late to my shoot because she was at ANOTHER shoot …. and she could not even be BOTHERED to wash the cum of her skanky face and neck. How big of a dirtbag do you have to be to not even CARE to wipe the load off you before you go meet another stranger to stroke off? Didn’t she even want to clean it off FOR HERSELF? I gagged a little and told her to get the fuck in the bathroom and take a shower. The whore with cum on her neck actually asked me “why?” I told her “Because cum washes off easier than a black eye! Now get the fuck in there!” Call me superficial but I prefer my women’s skin to not have the same smell and texture as the floor of a peepshow booth. While she showered I had a couple of shots of Jameson whiskey and 4 vicodin to take the edge off. I shot her though the stink of filth lingered in the air. I made her wear rubber gloves when she jerked me off just to be on the safe side. I don’t know how many cocks the whore sucked on the way from the bathroom to the livingroom. I didn’t enjoy working with her. I would not recommend it.

Oh well. Thankfully I had my kickboxing class tonight. I need to let out some aggression. My problem is that I hold everything in. I’m gonna give myself a fucking ulcer if I can’t learn to say something when I’m upset. I guess I just don’t want to hurt feelings.

Ok so check this shit out. I work hard. Very fucking hard. Probably harder than everyone reading this post. In fact, while you are reading this, I’M FUCKING WORKING MY BALLS OFF. I do not slow down. I work 6 fucking days a week sometimes 6 hrs a day. I also like to treat myself to some good shit as a reward. I only buy the best. If I want a steak, it’s a prime cut. If i want to paint my walls I use Sherwin Williams paint. If I want a TV, I’m buying a color tv. You see what I’m saying. Call me a snob. I don’t give a fuck. I want the best. I deserve it. So, today I want to treat myself to a nice dinner at home. I want to make a nice salad with 3 types of lettuce and a homemade blood orange vinegrette. I go to the local joint that I buy my produce at. They usually know their shit. I get everything I need but I can’t find any blood oranges. I asks the broad that stocks the shit where they are. She says they don’t have any because they aren’t in season. I tell her “I don’t give a flying fuck. Go find me some.” She says “They don’t grow this time of year. So we don’t have any right now. It’s nature. Try back in September.” I’m starting to feel my face get red. I tell her. “I’m a pornographer. When a customer of mine wants to bust a nut while watching a couple of people fucking, do you think I wait for nature to take it’s course? Think I wait for 2 people meet & start dating, get to know eachother a bit, fall in love and begin a sexual relationship and then tape the encounter? Or do you think I just go out and MAKE SHIT HAPPEN?” I think at this point she realized why I’M buying 3 types of lettuce for my salad and why SHE goes home to her children smelling like onions every night. Hoping to get it through her stupid thick skull one time, I tell her “Now get on that phone and get me some blood oranges. Get some shit done today that your fucking kids can be proud of!” Well …I guess a leopard can’t change it’s spots. She failed. I had to use a fucking grapefruit. Motherfucking vinegrette was tasty too. I think I actually liked it better than with blood oranges.

jack

I was in NJ today for a meeting with some dummy with deep pockets that wants to invest in a porn website. First of all, how do you get deep pockets making dumb financial decisions like that? The guy was oviously misinformed on what kind of return he would get on his investment. He totally needed someone to take him under their wing and guide him through the crazy world of porn. What I think he needed even more than that was to be taught a lesson, so I totally oversold him on what he could expect to make. I’m not a finacial advisor. I’m just a guy trying to make a living in the adult industry. You want free finacial advice? This is what you get, asshole! Anyway, we come to terms on a deal and we’ll be putting shit in motion pretty soon. Not long after that, I’ll be buying a new BMW and he’ll be wondering where his money is. This really is the land of opportunity. Now comes the fucking shitty part. I’m driving back home when I realize I left my sunglasses back at the restaurant. I call the place and tell them they better mail them back to me. Still, I need a pair until I get them back so I stop at some shithole mall in some faceless suburban town. These fucking people are UPTIGHT. On my way back from Sunglass World or wherever I got my new shades, I stop at the food court to get a pretzel. As I walk through the seating area I see a girl maybe 20 years old sitting down eating a plate of fast food chink food. She appears to be on break from her mindless job as a retail robot. She doesn’t look too bad except she was about 5lbs too heavy for my taste. Trying to be friendly, I approach her and say “That’s why you’re so fat.” She takes a break from shoveling MSG into her fat face and looks at me. She’s obviously stunned that someone as handsome as myself is paying attention to her. I tell her “Don’t you want anyone to ever love you? You should really put the fork down.” Now, I don’t think I said anything that other people in her life weren’t thinking, but naturally she takes offense and gets mad at ME! A total stranger! Like I wrestled her to the ground and shoved fried food into her tubby face. She storms off and I go on my way. Sometimes I think trying to help people is not worth the effort.

Jack

I generally try to take Tuesdays off from shooting models. It allows me time to work on projects that don’t involve stupid women. I can usually get a lot done and regain my sanity from spending the previous 6 days dealing with cunts too idiotic to attempt to earn a living without licking the underside of a strangers ballbag. This week I had my Tuesday all planned out. Go for a long run in the morning, catch up on some emails and other business shit in the afternoon and then meet some friends for drinks in the evening. A great plan.

Didn’t happen.

I just get out of the shower after my run when I hear the buzzer from the lobby goes off. I’m obviously not expecting anyone so I ignore it. About 5 minutes later there is a knock on my apartment door. I open it up and there is broad with a silly grin on her face standing there. This is what the moron says to me “Hi jack, I have a scene scheduled for tomorrow morning. I’m not going to be able to make it so I came by to shoot it today.” I AM NOT SHITTING YOU! THOSE WERE THE WORDS THAT CAME DIRECTLY OUT OF HER WHORE MOUTH. She thought she could just show up and change the day of the shoot because she was busy on her scheduled time? What if I just showed up at some random time that was convenient for me and just started jerking off on her face. “Hey, I can’t shoot next month. I figured I’d nut on your pathetic skank face while I was in the neighborhood.” Why have ANY appointments? Why doesn’t everyone just do whatever the fuck they want. I’m typing this at 4:30AM. Maybe I’ll just show up at my doctors house and tell him I want a check-up. What a fucking idiot. How many headboards did her head get slammed into to make her that retarded? Being that this was my day off, I didn’t want her to ruin it so I regained my composure and said “turn around and walk away now or the next photos you are going to be in will be crime scene photos. Now go.” At this point her silly grin is replaced with an expression a dog would have on it’s face if it were trying to solve a math problem. She turned and left. I’m pretty steamed at this point so I go down to the lobby of my building and as I exit, I see her car pulling away. I quickly pick up a rock and chuck it at her car as she turns out of the lot. Feeling a little better I go back upstairs and try to get on with my day. I just can’t shake the incident though and my day is shot. I think my problem is that I’m too sensitive. I was raised to be kind & compassionate and these whores can sense it and walk all over me. Thanks for ruining my only day off you SELFISH PIG!

Jack