I got an email a yesterday from this chick Tina I used to shoot from time to time. She was looking for some work because her deadbeat boyfriend lost his job AGAIN. I’ve probably shot this whore 20 times and I know her well enough to say that she’d be a friend (if she didn’t fuck strangers to support her loser boyfriend.) This is a whore that I don’t really hate. I don’t respect her either but she’s ok for a pig. Anyway, Tina shows up and her boyfriend is with her. He used to drop her off to shoots in the past and hit the road. I have a strict “No Idiot boyfriend/Husband on set!” rule and he was never a problem. Today was a different story.

They’re scheduled for 6PM, I’ve already had a long fucking day. I shot some whore in a scene first thing this morning. I spent 2 1/2 hours at the gym having my ass handed to me by my personal trainer and then I came home and edited video for an hour or so. These 2 knuckleheads show up at 5:45 and she hits the bathroom to get ready to shoot. Her clownish boyfriend just stands there in my living room looking at me. I ask him what’s up and he says “I bet you think that I’m a loser because my girl comes over here and fucks for money.” Not wanting to pass up the opportunity to allow him some personal growth I say “I think you are a loser for a lot of reasons. That’s one of them but there are lots of others. Why don’t you get out of my place and come back in an hour after I’ve banged the love of your life and we can discuss all of your deficiencies. Go. Now.” he says “You don’t have to be a dick about it.” He says that like I brought up the fact that he’s a useless shitbag. HE is the one that was so attuned to his shitbaggedness that he needed to converse about it. I fucking hate idiots like him. Feeling sorry for his own shitty situation and getting pissed at me for taking advantage of his inability to support himself and his girl even up to the level of a fast food cashier. He says to me “I think I’ll just tell Tina we’re leaving. I don’t need this shit.” I tell him to get her and get lost. They called me for work. I didn’t call them. He goes into the bathroom to get her and they are in there for a few minutes, then they come out. He says “We decided to go through with the shoot. I’ll go wait outside.” I respond ”Not yet. Apologize first.” he says “Come again?” I tell him. “Listen the fuck up because I’m only going to say this once. Apologize to me for getting me aggravated. Then apologize to Tina for a being a useless moron. Do it now.” He looks at me then looks down and says “I’m sorry about all this, Jack. Tina, I’m sorry too.” wanting to teach him a lesson “Tell her why you’re sorry.” At this point I can see him clench his teeth and ball his fist. “I’m sorry I’m a loser.” That’s all I wanted from him. Honest self reflection. “Well, I hope that felt as good for you as it did for me! Now beat it. Come back in an hour.”

I spent the next 40 minutes bending his girlfriend into positions that would make a yoga master proud. She certainly earned every bit of the measly $150 I paid her for the shoot. Something tells me that none of that cash is going to purchasing any Google stock.

Another day in my life goes down in the books. I’m going to sleep soundly tonight.

Jack

Don’t mind if I do!

I had a very lazy day today. I wanted to sleep late but my dumb neighbors woke me up. It’s just a husband and wife but it sounds like I live next door to Parliament Funkadelic’s practice space. They get up really early and make sure everyone in the building can hear them getting ready. I imagine them getting out of bed and throwing on their combat boots so they can stomp around like stormtroopers before they sit down to eat their fatty bacon and greasy eggs for breakfast.  The husband knows what I do and is always asking if he can help with a shoot. I always tell him he can help by telling his fat wife to stop flapping her jowls nonstop the minute she gets home from work. I can hear every inane thing that comes out of her stupid yapper. I look forward to their dinner time because I know all I’ll hear is growling and processed food being consumed for 45 minutes. It’s a nice break from her running commentary about her dull life working in a bank. Any way, enough about those assholes.

I made a few calls and then fucked around with my new camera outside. I stopped for a moment at the crosswalk to pay my disrespects to SuperDummy. Moving on, I went to this skate park not far from my crib. The place was pretty empty except for this nosy douchebag that kept asking me question about my camera. “Enough,Pal! Who the fuck are you, Jimmy Olson from the Daily Planet? No more questions.”  The dude leaves and I decide to head back home for some lunch. When I get home there is a message for me from “The Anal Teen” asking if she can have an advance on the money her site is going to make. I love it. This pig didn’t even take a single photo for the site, cancelled her first shoot and she wants me to pay her. I leave her a message to come right over. I’m sure she is expecting money but what she is going to get is some exercise and a lecture. Someone has to teach these girls.

I’m going to spend the rest of my day off relaxing (I earned it!) I think tonight I may treat myself to a few vodka tonics and a percocet or 4.

Jack

I should have known better than to switch my schedule around for this broad. Tuesdays are my day off, but not this week. I scheduled one of the last handjob scenes I needed for a contract I’m doing.I did it to accomodate this whore. I’m such a fucking pushover 

My day was brutal from start to finish. The shoot is scheduled for 11AM. The whore shows up right on time. Unfortunately she brought someone. No. Not her dumb boyfriend. That would have been welcome compared to who she had with her. She brought with her a belly full of baby. Yep. Why would she mention that to me prior to showing up? No big deal. She’s only 6 FUCKING MONTHS PREGNANT! Did she think I wasn’t going to notice? I was fucking pissed. I’m ready to throw in the fucking towel with this business. Every fucking day it is some new retard fucking up my day. I deserve better than this.

Anyway, Momma Whore shows up looking like she just ate a goldfish bowl and says “I didn’t think it made any difference. It’s just a handjob scene.” That made me nuts. “JUST a handjob scene? That kind of attitude is why you jerk people off for money. Have some INTEGRITY, you fucking idiot!” I’m so angry at this point I need to get away from her. She goes out to my balcony to smoke a cigarette (Mother of the year!) and I go regroup. I decide to shoot her anyway, despite my being sickened by her dumb fetus filled body.

“Let’s get this over with.” I tell her. The scene takes 30 long minutes to finish. She is not only horrible at not getting pregnant, but she is also awful at giving handjobs. I did not enjoy it at all. not for a second. I got through it though because I’M A PROFESSIONAL. As much as she sucked. I really can’t say enough good things about myself. I really persevered despite all the obstacles thrown my way.

We wrapped things up and she said to me “I guess I’ll call you in a few months after the baby’s born and we can shoot something more to your liking.” I responded “I guess your call will go unanswered because I don’t like you or your terrible handjob technique. Now get lost before I call Child Welfare on you.”

That’s how my shitty day started. See what I have to put up with? How was your fucking day?

Jack

Yeah. I’m like your favorite band that got signed to a major label. I’ve sold out. I’m now selling ad space on my site. Intergity? That’s for people that don’t like to buy shit! I’m a money spending motherfucker. When I write about an experience that took place at a bar or restaurant, when the bill comes do you think I can just say “I’m not paying. This was for my blog.” Fuck no! When I bet on a major sporting event and lose… do you think my bookie lets me write a fucking BLOG POST to cover my losses. In most cases NO!

Basically what I’m trying to say is: Embrace capitalism. It’s not going to hurt you. This is how this shitkicking world works.

Is my blog content going to change? Not at all. Getting paid is not going to make me hate whores any less. It will just allow me to have nicer shit as I hate them. Making some cash of this (AWESOME) blog will ultimately make it even better. How shitty would it be if I was a broke ass motherfucker writing this shit? I’d be writing shit like: “Hey I had a new model over to my Mom’s basement. I used my friend’s camera phone to take some pictures. She was a douchebag but she lent me $3 to buy some soup for dinner.”

See? That shit ain’t in the cards. I live large. That’s just how it’s going to be. And we’ll all be better in the long run. Except for the whores. Which is what’s most important anyway.

Jack

I had a late fucking night on Saturday and I’m still feeling it.  I spent a good part of today at the gym and then shopping for a new camera. Apparently Canon’s warranty does NOT cover smashing your camera against a wall in a fit of rage. What the fuck ever. I wanted to upgrade anyway. I have a big week of shooting and I want the quality to be on point. The first store I go into is one of those chain electronic stores. Honestly, I think they go out of their way to find the dumbest possible cunts to work there. I think they have some special tool where they erase any product knowledge prior to every shift. I walk over the camera section where I’m immediately accosted by the half woman/half walrus looking broad. “welcome to blah blah, I’m blah blah blah. Can I blah blah blah?” I did not even hear a word she said. All i could focus on was how bad her breath was. “Yes, you can help me. Do you sell mints? Because I’d really like to buy you some. Not every fucking person wants to come in here and smell your fucking lunch! What did you eat? A fucking bulb of garlic? Can you just get someone with minty breath to fucking help me? PLEASE!” And then she was gone. A few minutes later some other guy came over and answered a few questions (less than adequately.) I already had an idea of what I wanted (because I know my shit.) I priced a few cameras and headed out.

On he way to the next store I stopped to get a sandwich at this new shop in the neighborhood. I walk in and there is nobody in the joint but me and the whore that works there. She is putting juice in the cooler. I stand at the counter for a minute and she finally looks over at me and says “I’ll be with you a in a minute.” I have to wait for you to finish stocking a cooler with and empty shop? “Ok no problem. I’m sure that shit can’t wait.” Ignorant whore. I hate that shit. The only reason I stuck around was because I wanted one of their caprese salad pockets. After lunch I head to this camera shop I know. I walk in and get greeted by Mike, the manager. He knows what I do and he also hates whores. He tells me about this new chick at the shop. He says she is hot as hell and quite a freak. I give him my card to give to her and tell him I need to get this camera shit squared away NOW. I can find a whore anywhere,but I can’t take pictures with pile of camera pieces though. He gives me an excellent deal on what I need and I ask him to throw in some memory cards and a battery in exchange for me hooking him up with a couple of my models (Never happen). He readily agrees. I hit the road ready for action now.

When I get home there is a call for me from “The anal teen.” She needs to reschedule her first shoot. So it begins. I can tell she is going to be a pain in the balls. I’ll deal with that shit tomorrow. Right now I’m going to fuck around with my new toy.

Jack

Remember that friend of mine that gave me $50 to fuck that skank from Detroit? He called me yesterday asking for some advice on breaking into the porn business. He said “I think I’d like to give it a shot. Can you help me?” I’ver known this guy for years and he’s always been a good friend so I said “Of course I will. I’m thinking about getting a nice dinner and a few drinks tonight. Can YOU help ME with that?” Getting the hint he said “Sure! Where ever you want to go. It’s on me.”

We go to this French Bistro where I know the chef and get a great dinner. I overdid it a bit but what the fuck, I’m worth it. I started off with seared foie gras with a fruit compote. Excellent! My entre was the pork trio. That’s 3 small cuts of pork prepared different ways. Incredible. I even got the chocolate pots de creme for dessert. Out of this world. At this point I’m ready to talk business and get some free booze from my buddy.

We head down to this bar near my apartment. Nothing fancy but they have a good selection of beer and wine. He orders a bud which made me want to kick him in his ribs, but I let it slide. I ordered a glass of wine. I got a nice napa valley cabernet from vineyard that none of you have ever heard of. Then we got down to business. I opened the dialogue. “I don’t think you are cut out for the business. You don’t look at things properly.” He said “what do you mean?” I said “Look over there at that chick at the end of the bar. Tell me what you see.” “She’s pretty fucking hot. She’s not a 10 but I’d still nail her. She’s pretty friendly too. She’s laughing and joking around with her friends.” Then I tell him what I see “I just see a whore. a simple, vapid whore. A tool to make money with. You want to fuck her. I want to put her cum plastered face on enough websites that I’ll be able to buy a new Harley off of her lack of self esteem. You think she seems friendly. I don’t care either way.” I paused to let it sink in. “I thought I’d just be fucking chicks on video for money. Why do I have to …hate them.” “I don’t know the answer to that. I just know that’s how it has to be.” I excuse myself and order another $18 glass of wine before my buddy realizes his dream of being the next Peter North has fizzled. I feel like I did my job tonight. It feels nice to be a good friend.

Jack

I’ve had this whore emailing me for the last couple of months wanting her own website. The broad is hot as hell. 19 years old, decent personality but dumb as a bag of rocks. I finally met her in person yesterday to discuss the project. I honestly don’t want to work on it because I’ve got way too much to do already and I can tell she is going to need her hand held on everything (because she’s an idiot.) Anyway, we meet at a local coffee shop near my place. She shows up wearing a sundress that looked like it was 10 years old. I commented on it and she said “I got this for a DOLLAR at this second hand store near my house. What do you think?” “I think you got robbed. That’s fucking hideous. I hope you saved the receipt.” She kinda shrugged that off but I explained to her “If you are going to have your own site people don’t want you to dress like you pulled your clothes out of a dumpster. The homeless teen niche doesn’t sell very well.” Then the whore says what will turn out out to be a huge lie in 4 seconds or so “Well, I don’t care what sells. I’m doing this for fun not money.” “Ok how about this then. You can wear whatever you want and I’ll keep all the money the site makes?” She changed her mind pretty quickly. We decide to head back to my place for the final interview and some photos.

I take a few stills and she does have a kick ass body. She tells me she works out 5 days a week and is obsessed with fitness. I tell her that I don’t really give a fuck about what she does when we’re not working as long as she doesn’t get fat or ugly (She couldn’t possibly get any dumber.) We sit down to talk about how the site would be marketed etc. and I explain that it needs to have a personality. It needs some kind of a catch. A niche. She interrupts me with “Can I be the anal teen? Like all my pictures and videos are anal scenes?” I paused for what may have been .00001 of a second before saying “Absolutely. I think that would be a great route to go.” Now consider the fact that we didn’t even discuss the idea of doing hardcore on the site prior to this. “Can I be the anal teen?’ Those were definitely the first interesting words out of her stupid mouth all day and let me tell you it was worth the wait. Within 30 seconds I was already thinking about all the cool shit I’ll be buying with the money I make off her soon-to-be-overused #2 hole. How does a 19 year old girl from a normal background decide one day that she wants to be known as “The anal teen.” There doesn’t seem to be any progression towards this. It was just one day she’s in the Salvation Army buying used underwear and the next she is aspiring to add “Queen of the Dumper” to her resume. Whatever the reason, GOOD for me. AND most likely BAD for her. We begin shooting for the site next week. It should be interesting. You’ll all be kept in the loop.

Jack

It’s Wed night and I’m fucking exhausted. I put a full day in today after yesterday’s day off. I got up extra early so I could get some business done before the 2 whores I had scheduled got here. I like to be productive in the morning because once the dumb whores show up all bets are off. It’s inevitable that once a model arrives she’ll start complicating shit. Making porn would be so much easier if models ONLY opened their mouths to insert cock.

The first whore, Kristina showed up at 11:30AM and went into the bathroom to get situated. Not 5 minutes later my buzzer goes off and whore #2 Wendy shows up… 3 fucking hours early. I know these broads are dumb but can’t they at least tell time? I told her to hit the road and come back at her scheduled time. This loud mouth says that she was scheduled for 11:30. This douche actually thinks it was ME that was mistaken! IDIOT! I politely explain that it is definitely more likely that a high school drop-out that sucks cock for a living is WRONG. Just then Kristina comes out of the bathroom ready to shoot. She sees road whore #2 and starts to get all fired up. “I didn’t sign up for a 3 way blah blah blah” I explain to her that she doesn’t decide what she does, I do. The other clown starts getting pissed at Kristina, thinking she stole her booking. Not a lot was getting done but I must say I was having fun watching them fight. I decided to make it more interesting. I certainly deserve to have a fucking chuckle every now and then for putting up with all the fucking BULLSHIT that I do.

“Here’s the deal. I only need one of you sluts today. You decide which one. You have exactly 2 minutes to decide or nobody shoots today. Starting NOW.” Watching 2 whores fight over money is like watching 2 fat chicks fight over the last Krispy Kreme donut. As the next 2 minutes unfolded, I was so overcome with pleasure watching this debacle that you would have thought I had just walked out of an opium den. These 2 unemployable disappointments yelled and screamed and tried to justify staying for the shoot. “one minute left!” I told them and then added “I’m also paying an additional $100 bonus to the girl shooting today!” At this point it started to get physical and kind of dangerous. I loved it. Kristina jumped on Wendy and got her to submit JUST as time was expiring. It was, quite frankly, inspiring to see such a triumph of spirit from someone that probably couldn’t point out Florida on a map of the US.

I could barely suppress my smile while Wendy struggled to her feet. “Wendy, hit the bricks. The tribe has spoken.” She gathered up her shit and dragged her failure ass out the door. “Well you win. You get to jerk me off for money! Go get cleaned up.” I haven’t had a day start off this good since the day I got the gift from Superdummy.

The shoot went off without a hitch. Kristina did a fine job, still basking in the glow of victory. I was hard as a rock the whole time, thanks to thoughts of Wendy shamefully walking to the bus stop a couple of hundred dollars poorer than she expected to be. On a somewhat funny note, I checked my calendar and it was actually Kristina that had been early. She wasn’t booked until 2:30. I’ll overlook the error as she added so much pleasure to my day.

Jack

From THIS:

Watch the meltdown here-> Recent Chasey Lane video

To THIS:

Ok. I don’t know this whore. I don’t know any of the players in this shit (except that Donny Long posted a comment on my blog recently) I do know this. Donny Long has more patience than I do. God bless his compassionate ass. Had I been running that shoot, that video would have been about 20 seconds long. It would have consisted of her getting out of her car and me yelling “Don’t even fucking bother!” If she insisted on coming any closer than the sidewalk, the next shot would have been of her trying to smoke crack through a fucking respirator. I have a rule about female talent. If they come to a shoot so fucked up that they sound like Popeye with a mouthful of marbles when they talk. I cancel the shoot. It’s my only rule and it has served me well in this business.

This used up whore spent like 4 hours in make-up and comes out looking like that? What a monstrosity. I don’t think I could take a random chick off the street and MAKE her look that bad in 4 hours. Chasey, you couldn’t dig down deep for any of that misplaced pornstar vanity to make yourself look half human for this shoot? For shame!

Anyway. This was a fun video to watch. MUCH more fun than it would have been to watch her used up crackhead ass get fucked. The car she showed up in was pretty awesome. I hope I’m around when she is selling it for $65 so she can get loaded.

Jack

I didn’t get into any fights yesterday. Not for lack of trying. I thought this one dude was gonna take me on. I was walking down the street when this fucking JERK totally gave me a hard look, like he wanted to beef. I said “What the fuck are you looking at?” and he just said “Nothing mister.” I got him all pissed when I threw his bookbag into a puddle. Unfortunately he just picked it up and continued on to the bus stop.

Oh well, I’m pretty much over my rage attack right now. Which is pretty lucky for the 2 models I have coming in today.

Jack