Just my fucking luck. I thought I had a sweet fucking gig lined up for a month in Vegas. It looked like a sure thing. I was going to shoot audition content for some new recruits for the month of October. It would have basically been the first scene these dumb whores would be shooting in the industry. It’s a great job for me because:

A. I’m know my shit and it gets done RIGHT

B. Dumb newbies are more comfortable with my style of yelling and shooting. They like the directness of it.

C. Vegas is like a 2nd home to me. I’m in my environment. When I feel good, my shit rocks. I’m like the fucking Gil Grissom of porn when I’m in Vegas.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like it’s going to work out. We had all the details settled except for my pay. This dude apparently wants to pay me like I’m a stupid whore. First of all, I expect to be paid top dollar. Because I’m worth it.  Secondly, if you cheap out on me, what else are you going to cheap out on? Will I have to shoot this content on fucking VHS to save you an extra $20.00 a shoot? What a cheap cocksucker. The pay was close enough that we could have worked something out. What killed the deal was his reluctance to put putting me up at The Wynn or The Venetian for a month. He wanted me to stay in some condo he owns. No, I don’t think so. At one point this fucking jerk actually says to me “Jack, this would be too out of control. I could save $10K just hiring a local crew to do it.” I was speechless. All I could do was pick up an ashtray and throw it against the wall. ” Hire some fucking shithead to point a camera at these broads and get exactly what the fuck you pay for. Hire my motherfucking masterful ass and you get FUCKING ART! You’re only shortchanging yourself you fucking cheap cunt!” Anyway, we scuffled a bit then I took off. I assume he’s on his way back to Vegas full of fucking regret. What the fuck ever.

On Saturday night, US swimmer Michael Phelps won his 8th Gold medal of the 2008 Olympics. To this I say “Who gives a flying fuck?” You swim fast. Good for you. That might be a more meaningful skill if we lived in Atlantis but we don’t. I have more respect for competitive walkers than I have for your Aquaman wannabe ass. I think being a swimmer automatically makes you a pussy too. I’d love to see some broad on the women’s volleyball team kick the bag out of you.

Maybe now that you have a little money, you can get that fucked up grill of yours fixed. It doesn’t look like you have 2 chicklets in your stupid head that face in the same direction. Your mouth makes me ashamed to be American. People all over the world are going to think we don’t care about dental hygiene. Why didn’t your parents get you braces when you were a kid? Did they blow all the dental money on plastic surgery to get your Mom to look exactly like Rosanne Barr circa 1989? Maybe your teeth got all fucked up when you were an adult. Perhaps from the unrelenting pounding of cock after cock slamming their way through your ferret-like lips. I’m disgusted with the whole Phelps clan. They can seriously go fuck off.

Jack

I’m sitting here writing today’s blog post from a Starbucks in the not so great state of CT. Why? Because I decided to get drunk and drive to the casino last night. My plans fell through last night to meet some friends for booze so I just stayed in an did some editing and fucking around online. About 11PM I had a pretty good fucking buzz going. I hate to fucking waste a good buzz so I tossed down a few percosets and grabbed my keys and headed to the casino. I took 3K with the intentions of turning that shit into 25K. I headed down Rt 95 to teach the Indians who the fuck not to mess with at the Craps table. About 45 minutes into my drive I had to piss like a fucking racehorse. I pull over to the side of the road and took a leak. When I got back to my car a state trooper was just pulling up behind me. “What are you doing, sir?” He asked me. “I’m taking a leak.” He started walking around my car looking in with his flashlight. Then he starts asking me where I’m going, have I been drinking, blah blah blah. I answered his questions and then I started to get a little pissed off. “Hey, Are we gonna shoot the shit all night or can I go? I didn’t bring any camping gear to spend the night out here. I’d like to get to the casino pretty fucking soon.” He gives me a stare and then says “Next time use a restroom before you leave home. Drive safe.” I got back in my car and double timed it to the casino. That fucking cop held me up for 25 fucking minutes. I have a wad of cash burning a hole in my pocket. I finally make it to the casino and I see all the sad losers walking out with their heads down. Broke motherfuckers. They probably play the slot machines like big dummies.

I walk up to the craps table and buy-in. The dude to my right has the dice and I start off strong. Within 15 minutes I’m up about $600. I throw down a few more percs and start raising the stakes. I keep moving strong for awhile. I have a good size stack in front of me when things start to turn. I may have hit the booze a little too hard but all of a sudden I started getting really tired. Not being an IDIOT, as soon as things started to turn I hit the brakes and took my cash and went for a walk. I walked over to the bar and ordered a drink. As soon as I sit down, some whore approached me.

“Hi! Is this seat taken?” she said

“Hello! Hit the road, Whore. I’m not buying pussy tonight. Peddle your sorry ass elsewhere.” I tell her

“You don’t have to be rude.” she says.

 ”I don’t have to kick you in the cunt either but I’m willing to go that route too.”

She gets up and leaves. I down my drink and head off to find another table, feeling rejuvenated from that exchange with the hooker.

I spent the next 4 hours beating the fuck out of those Indians at their little craps table. When I left they must have felt like General Custer just visited them. I fell short of my 25K goal but I ended up winning 6k. Not too bad for a drunk guy. They offered to put me up in one of their rooms for the night, which I accepted. As I checked out they said that I could come back next weekend and stay in one of their suites. “We’ll see, Tonto!”

Now I’m done with my coffee and done with today’s entry. I’ll catch you motherfuckers tomorrow!

Out

Jack

I got woken up by a call from a friend of mine that occasionally runs girls in town. He tells me he has this hot new 21 year old that wants to do porn. He says she has the tightest fucking body and a gorgeous face. He also tell me that she is the nuttiest whore he’s ever met. “Bring her to me.” I tell him. We set something up for this afternoon and I go get some shit done and then get ready for the shoot.

She shows up and my buddy was not lying. This little slut was hot as a motherfucker. I think he undersold her on the nutty though. This little pig was completely off the charts. She walks in and walks right past me and LAYS DOWN ON MY COUCH. Um Ok. Being loony must be pretty fucking exhausting. Not wanting to get her too spooked I say “Hey. Get up. Worky time not sleepy time!” She sits up and I go over the details of everything. I ask sleeping beauty what she wants for her stage name and this is her stupid lunatic reply “Queen of the Castle.” Good fucking Christ this is going to be a long fucking day.  ”I don’t even understand that. What the fuck do you want people to call you?” She then goes into some long winded nonsense about being this noble blah blah blah” Finally I said “Your name is Britni. Now get your crazy ass in the bathroom and get ready before I lock you in the closet until your sane.”

Normally, at this point I’d be losing my shit. I think I was more calm today for a couple of reasons. One, she was a fucking 10. She is money in the fucking bank. Secondly, I’m about to fuck this hot little slut. It’s tough to get too riled up when a supermodel looking whore is about to toss her pussy at you.

She comes out of the can and immediately tells me that her parents own Europe. Awesome. She thinks that Her family OWNS a continent. “Please shut up. PLEASE!” I start to consider gagging her, but thought better of it. We got started and with the exception of her blurting out some more foolishness, it actually went better than I would have expected for a scene with such a fruitcake. She did love to fuck too. At one point she actually said “I want to fuck on the ceiling.” It was great fucking her but at that point I just wanted to wrap it up and send her back to her home planet.

While she was cleaning up I wondered if she was crazy enough that I could pay her in fucking spoons or ice cubes or something. I would have loved to see my buddy’s face when she handed him 2 spoons as HIS cut. Fuck, I even thought about telling her that they were magic spoons. Since I am an honorable man, I paid her in cash and sent her on her way. I’ll tell you, this shit isn’t fun everyday but it is never boring.

Jack

Alex Sanders. Alex “I’m a smug motherfucker with retardedly long hair and I refuse to let go of the 80’s” Sanders. You used to bang the hottest whores in porn. For the longest time you were ruining 100’s of videos a year with your smug attitude and goofy facial expressions. You were on top of the world in the 90’s. Teenage boys all over the planet envied you for all the fucking you did. You were an icon.

Now you’re fat. You have given up. All those years of banging whores and acting like the man… and now you eat candy bars for breakfast. How did it happen? Do you now hate pussy? Are you allergic to looking good? The funniest part of this whole (HYSTERICAL) development with you appearance is YOU KEPT THAT FUCKING LONG HAIR! Seriously pal, buy a mirror and a fucking calendar (and some Dexatrim.)  Don’t get me wrong, I love it. I wish I could be there as you jiggle up to someone at an all you can eat buffet and explain that you are a pornstar. I won’t have that opportunity though because I don’t go to ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFETS!

In closing. Lose some weight Mr. fatty fat fat

P.S. Some foods come in low fat and fat free varieties now. Something to consider. Ok that’s all, Fatty.

As predicted, The Anal Teen was a no show. Not a big deal. Whores flake all the time. I do hope that she gets run over by a landscaping truck for fucking me over though. A typical selfish, time wasting whore. I wish her nothing but misery for costing me several precious hours of my time.

In other news, I’ve been working the phones like crazy trying to dig up some new work since this HJ contract has been fulfilled. I’ve had a number of offers but nothing interesting enough to get me off my ass. I still have some scene work I shoot for a friend. That will pay the bills, but it won’t keep me living to the standard I’m accustomed. In addition to the cash, I’m a people person. I like being around people. I also need the rush of excitement that goes with a cool new project or the sheer joy I feel when some skank wanders out of my crib with her head hung in shame and bit of her soul missing. That’s the shit money can’t buy.

I did have a breakfast meeting with a buddy from the mainstream world. I wanted to pitch him on this new reality show idea I had. I think the meeting went pretty well. The idea is totally awesome in my opinion. The set-up is this:

We find some new white skanks interested in doing porn. We set up a shoot with her and 3 or 4vblack dudes that look like they just got out of prison. We shoot the gang bang, pay the whore and then go on our way. Fast forward several months. We approach her family and tell them we are presenting their daughter with a special award for her service in the community with race relations. We gather all her family and  friends for the presentation. When the time is right we bring out the guest of dishonor and throw in the gang bang video for all to enjoy! Let the games begin. Ironically, my first two choices to host the program were Isaac Hayes and Bernie Mac.

He seemed to like the idea, though he thought it may open us up to some legal problems. He decided to pass for now. Oh well, I think it’s a winner and I’m going to keep pushing to get it made. Fuck that Conservative asshole.

Jack

The day has finally arrived! Today was the day I finished with all those dumb handjob videos. I was so happy I thought streamers were going to shoot out of my cock. The milestone whore was a chubby little 19 year old. She tried to fuck everything up but I saw the finish line and I sprinted like a true champion. The chubby whore was 15 minutes late for the shoot, add in 10 minutes of me screaming at her to act like a professional, and another 10 for her to fix her make-up after she was done crying, and we got a very late start. Chunky had never done a handjob before and this was only her 2nd modeling job. She was blabbering about her first job being something at a fashion show or some other foolish shit. “I’m here to have you jerk me off on video, I’m not here to interview you for the fucking Biography Channel! How about shutting your yap for 5 seconds so I can DO SOME WORK!” These fucking whores only think about themselves.

When she finally comes out of the bathroom she is wearing what I can only describe as part hammock/part bikini. It was a bikini made out of a rope-like material. I swear to Christ she put that atrocity on just to infuriate me. It worked. I went over to her whore suitcase and started rummaging through it until I found something appropriate for her to wear. “Do I have to do every fucking thing today? Do you want to pull up a chair and watch TV and I’ll just JERK MYSELF OFF?” 10 more minutes of crying and then we finally get down to it. She yanked on my cock for 15 minutes. I thought the whore was trying to make fucking taffy. Finally, I dug down deep and got ready to the grand finale. She kneels in front of me and tugs on my cock. I start shooting and the fucking tubby whore falls over backwards like a FUCKING WEEBLE. My cock is shooting all over the floor and a little gets on her kneecap. That’s what people want! More kneecap cumshots. I’m disgusted. I tell her to clean up and come back to the livingroom.

I go take a drink of water, get my mind in the right place and 5 minutes later I’m ready to reshoot the moneyshot. With nothing but a semi-hard cock and the focus of a Zen Master, I’m able to bust nut #2 all over her (terrible for a 19 year old) tits. Now finished, I explain to her how I came through in the clutch and how she struck out with the game tied in the bottom of the 9th. I’ll tell you one thing. For a whore, she sure cries a lot.

Anyway, done with the handjobs. I’m supposed to shoot with The Anal Teen this week. Not holding my breath. I’ll keep you posted though.
out

Jack

Back in high school I had a band called Jack and the Cuntkickers. We played short fast catchy punk rock songs. We rocked. To this day I still believe if the other members of the band were as awesome as I was, we’d have had a long career. I’m not bitter though. Well, I am bitter but not about that.  The reason I bring this up is because I got a call from one of my old bandmates today. It was good to hear his voice. Then it was even better to hear a dial tone when I hung up on him after 3 minutes. I have not heard from this guy in almost 10 fucking years. He calls me and starts making small talk then out of the blue this fucking guy has the balls to ask me if he can crash at MY APARTMENT when he comes to town in a few weeks. WTF? When did I open up a fucking hostel? “Sure! Would you like me to give you a horse and buggy ride around town too? Apparently I’m a tour guide or some fucking thing.” Can you believe him? He’s coming to town to see some specialist about his pancreas or some shit. I wonder if he’ll need me to operate after the diagnosis since I’m at his fucking service! How come nobody ever calls me and says “Hey Jack, is there anything I can do for YOU? Would you like to stay at MY APARTMENT on your next vacation?” Never fucking happens.

I’m not going to dwell on that shit though. My day was pretty good. I made a nice score on a couple of horses I bet. That ended up being about $2200. Not too bad. I bet I could buy enough couches with that to have all my deadbeat friends crash on them anytime they FUCKING WANT! Ok.. I’m letting it go. It’s not worth it. I also had a shoot with a whore that was almost normal. That was a rare change. She was a road whore that actually still had her looks. More importantly, she knew the drill. Enter the set, look good, attack the cock then leave. Easy as pie. Why couldn’t they all be that easy?

That’s all I’ve got for today.

Jack

I finally found some “Me time” this weekend. If anyone deserved, I did. I met some friends as at show in the city last night. The bands were excellent, but NOT excellent enough for me to plug them in my blog. The crowd was filled with the usual unemployable tattooed jerks, tough guys and the women that hate their fathers enough to date these retards. The crowd was pretty wild. I saw a couple of fights. One guy got beat so bad that he had 3 teeth knocked out. That was more than half the number of teeth he came in with. There only appeared to be 2 rules at this venue:

1) You are not allowed to say excuse me when you try to cram your way through the crowd towards the bar area.

2) Men are not allowed to wash their hands after they take a leak. (I believe punching the wall near the urinal was optional.)

Despite watching the show with all of these gross dummies, I had a great time. I didn’t have to deal with whores, pimps or a cameras for a whole night. After driving home,I drunk dialed a few friends and then hit the sheets. I’m fully recharged and ready to fuck some shit up this week!

Out!

Jack

Hey, it’s 10:30am on Saturday. I just woke up. I had a late night with some friends. Guess what I woke up to? An email from some jackass busting my stones because I didn’t update my blog early enough for him.

“Jack no blog entry today. why?  I like to read it when I get up. put something up!!!”

 I appreciate this douchebag’s passion for reading what I write, but can I sleep late once in a while, please? Pretty please with a cherry on top? You do realize that I’m not really a 9 to 5 type of guy, don’t you? I didn’t get into porn so I could punch a fucking clock every morning at 7am. I went out with friends last night and drank booze and used drugs. I’m allowed! It’s not against the law!

Anyway, nothing much to report from yesterday. The highlight of my day was catching up on my reading online. I’m sure most of you jackasses already read these but if not, you need to check out IShootporn.com, that fucking dude’s site is jam-fucking-packed with good shit. He doesn’t appear to hate whores like I do, but I’ll let it slide. I would also recommend the other blogs I read EatAdump.com, this dude seems actually happy to be in the porn business and feels lucky to be a part of it. (He’ll get over those feelings soon enough.) I feel neither happy nor lucky. Still, you need to Read that shit! Lastly, ChristiansingstheBlues.com I read that blog every fucking day. I don’t give a flying fuck who Christian is banging this week, but I do want to see what food he’s eating. That dude takes a lot of shit from people and keeps on ticking. Read it or get kicked in the nuts next time I see you.

Read these blogs, YA JERKS!