This summer was brutally slow for finding new whores to shoot. Now that the colleges are back things are much better. I got a call from a local whore that wants to break into the adult biz. She got my number from a buddy of mine that trolls the clubs/bars near the colleges for good looking whores looking for (what they think is) easy money. Anyway, so dumb college girl calls and wants information. I give her very little of it, but tell her she needs to come in for a test shoot. A test shoot generally consists of the broad coming over and sucking and fucking me on video for exactly $0 American dollars and an opportunbity to suck and fuck other people for (not much) more money. The only day the broad is able to come in to shoot is Sunday. WTF? Everyone knows that Sunday is reserved for watching football. Being a professional, I tell her she can come over but it has to be quick because I have other important things to do. She agrees and I give her the address. This dumb whore actually asks me for directions to the shoot. What the fuck? What am I? Google Earth? I say “Look it up!” and hang up the phone feeling like this broad is going to be nothing but trouble.

Fast forward to Sunday. I’m sitting on my couch watching the retarded Brett Favre get outplayed by some QB whose name I don’t even know. The 1st half is winding down. There’s probably 2:30 left. All of a sudden my buzzer goes off. Nice. The dummy is almost 5 minutes early. I hoped this was not an indication of how the rest of the shoot was going to go. I l let her in.

Me: “Sit on the couch and be quiet until I’m ready for you.”

Dummy: “Can I use your bathroom?”

Me: “Please shut up. Talking isn’t being quiet. It’s almost halftime. Stay silent until then.”

Dummy: “Ok. Sorry.” she says. OBVIOUSLY testing ME.

I just glare at her.

The half ends (unfortunately without a career ending injury to Brett Favre.) I tell the whore to go get ready and make it quick. We only have a short window to get this done before the game is back on.

Dummy: “I hope that we don’t have to rush. I want to look good in the video.”

Me: “If you don’t shut your fucking yap and get ready, you’re going to look like a resident of a battered womens shelter giving a blowjob. GO. GET. READY.NOW.”

This broad take almost 7 minutes to get ready to the shoot. Add 3 minutes of me having to yell at her for being unprepared and it’s almost time for the half to end. I decide the only real course of action is to keep the TV on and watch it while we shoot the scene. She comes out of the bathroom and strikes a pose in a matching bra and panty set.

Dummy: “How do I look?”

Me: “Come over here and blow me.”

Dummy: “Does this look good?’

Me: “You really need to just shut up and start sucking my dick. This is porn. Not an audio book. Nobody wants to hear your voice. Get it?”

She starts doing her thing just as the 2nd half starts. Everything is going fine until she gets startled when I jump up and scream “Hit him late! Break his hillbilly spine!” when a defender has Favre cornered in the backfield.

Dummy: “Can we just do this after the game? You seem really distracted.”

Me: “We cannot. If you want to be in this business YOU need to focus. Do you think if you are shooting for VividAlt, They are going to turn off their soap operas or whatever faggy shit they watch because you don’t like it? Deal with it. ”

Dummy: “This isn’t fun at all.”

Me: “When you called ME, did you say ‘Jack, can I come over and have you take me to a carnival and have a great time?’ or did you call ME looking for fucking WORK?

Then the unprofessional douchebag starts crying and jumps up and says that she’s leaving! Just like that! I cannot believe it. I’m fucking pissed that I put up with all her bullshit and now I have nothing to show for it. I jump up and kick her whore suitcase across the floor and tell her to get the fuck out right now. I’m so fucking pissed that I missed almost 5 minutes of the game fighting with this dumb cunt. The idiot left in such a hurry that she forgot her driver’s license and Social Security card, which immediately went into my shredder. Fuck her.

This is another example of me trying to be a nice guy and accomodate a whore and getting paid back with a lack of respect and a whole lot of aggravation. These fucking whores ruin everything.

Jack