What a fucking day, yesterday was. Most of you that have been reading my blog for any amount of time know that I’m an extremely patient and tolerant man. The sidewalk under my balcony would be covered in chalk outlines if I wasn’t so patient. This is why what happened at my gym yesterday still makes my blood boil. I stick up for myself and I’m the one that gets escorted out of the building and told to never come back. Here’s how the injustice played out:
There is this old guy at my gym. The motherfucker must be pushing 80. He’s on oxygen, can barely walk, the whole 9 yards. Well every day this fucking JERK uses my favorite treadmill. It’s the first one in the cardio room and it faces the TV that has the game show network on it. This selfish prick takes that treadmill because a) He’s too fucking lazy to use one further into the room. b) It has a little stand next to it where he can put his oxygen tank. c) It’s TECHNICALLY a handicapped machine (I didn’t see any handicapped plates on the old man.) d) He obviously LOVES fucking with me. I’ve mentioned to him before that I prefer that machine.
Anyway, I’d had just about enough of him and his Bullshit. I decided to leave my crib a few minutes early so I can have a shot at watching “Press Your Luck” during my workout. I fly into the joint and get changed. I get to the cardio room and see Mr. Magoo dragging his tank to MY treadmill. The fucker is about 5 feet away from it when I sprint past him and jump on.
Me: “Not today motherfucker! ”
Old Man: mumble mumble
Me: “Whatever, tough guy. I think everyone here is sick of your selfish treadmill hogging bullshit.”
Just then this fucking BROAD comes over and starts busting my balls. Totally not conducive to getting my game show watching on.
Dumb Broad: “Leave him alone. What’s wrong with you? blah blah”
Me: “Mind your business, douchebag. This is between MEN. This does not concern dumb whores.”
Dumb broad: “The man is much older than you and obviously sick. There is no need … ”
Me: (to the old man): You need this cunt to fight your battles for you? Pussy!”
Then the fucking psycho broad starts screaming at me and attracting all kinds of attention. Some fucking musclehead dude comes over to jump in. I tell him it’s under control and he can go back to lifting. Get this; The fucking GUY takes HER side! He starts giving me shit about swearing at her. At this point I’m ready to just lose my shit. Then the old man starts talking shit. I felt totally ganged up on. WTF? I get 3 insane fucking people on my shit because I want to watch game shows while I workout on the treadmill THAT I ARRIVED AT FIRST??? How the fuck does that work? Eventually one of the people that work there comes over and restores peace. I’m still steaming but I finish my cardio workout and hit the locker room. I’m too angry to do anything else. One day of not lifting won’t take away from my awesome looks.
I’m down in the locker room getting ready to jump in the shower when I see that fucking musclehead walk in there. Fucking guy walked right past me. Ball-less fucking worm. He goes into the shower room and I wait. As soon as I see him start washing his face, I run up behind him and punch him as hard as I can in the kidney. He didn’t look so tough now lying on the floor of the shower with soap in his eyes clutching his side. Naturally, I start kicking him as I berate him for taking that dumb broad’s side over mine in the dispute with the old selfish dude. I’m just about ready to give him one last boot to the ribs when I get fucking tackled from behind by one of the gym employees. Fucking cheapshot! The next few minutes are a blur as I’m ushered into this office as they talk to the guy on the floor of the shower. Apparently, he didn’t want to press charges against me for assault (Probably understanding that it was justified.) The managers of the gym tells me that my membership is cancelled and I’m not allowed back in. Un fucking real. All of this because of that fucking old dude and his love of fucking with me. I’m brought into the locker room to get dressed and clean out my locker. While there, I see the not so tough old man packing his stuff up. I just fucking glare at him as I get my shit together. As I walk past him, I say “This is all your fucking fault!” He just jumps back kinda startled. Whatever.
They walk me to my car and read me some shit about if I ever return they’ll press trespassing charges against me. Like I’d want to go back to a gym like that. F THEM. I spin my tires as I leave the parking lot. All done with that place. I decide to go get an ice cream to cheer myself back up after that stressful ordeal. I don’t understand why people can’t just leave me alone. I don’t fuck with anyone. All I want is the same respect.
Jack
