I realized this weekend that I really haven’t banged a broad that wasn’t a porn whore for months. The more I thought about it, the more pissed off I got. It’s not as though I NEED to bang PWs. I’ve done just fine with civilian pussy over the years. I decided that I needed to get back in the game a bit. It wasn’t the sex that I needed, it was just to stay in practice. I needed a new venue though. Going into a club and picking up a bitch is like shooting fish in a barrel when you have the kind of good looks and charm that I do. I wanted to do this shit one on one. Put myself on the spot. Win a broad over under pressure. That’s why I chose to go to 8 minute dating last night. The concept is that you have a private 8 minutes with every chick in the joint in order to get to know each other.

The event took place in a neighborhood bar not far from my place. The bar fancied itself to be some sort of an Irish pub. Unfortunately they didn’t even have Guiness on tap. Nice Irish pub, jerks. Anyway, I arrive a few minutes early to scope things out. I notice there are already 5 broads sitting there waiting for the shit to start. There was also one dude kind of hanging around by the perimeter. My first instinct was to go and get noticed by the whores. Get them thinking about me. I thought about it for a second and decided the best course of action would be to eliminate the competition. He was kind of average looking and seemed somewhat shy around broads but why risk it. I approached him,

Me: “Hey man, are you here for the dating event?”

Chump: “Yeah. My first time. You?

Me: “I’ve been a bunch of times.” I lied “These broads are tough. They really grill you.”

Chump: “Really? Like what do they ask you?”

Me” Well, I’ll tell you right now the first thing they are going to want to know is what you do for work and how much you make. My guess is they’ll go right for that because of the way you are dressed. They’ll probably think you do something boring. Like an accountant or something.”

Chump:” Actually, I am an accountant. Why is that a problem?”

Me: “No offense pal, but when was the last time you heard a chick say that she needed something new and exciting in her life and an accountant is just the type of free spirit that can give her what she wants?”

Chump: “Well, what do you do?”

Me: “I’m a treasure hunter. I locate historical shipwrecks and bring up their treasures. I donate most of the bounty to museums as I no longer need money.”

Chump:”Oh. I see. And with a job like that why do you need to come to 8 minute dating?”

Me:”I’m constantly travelling. I need to find someone that is ok with seeing the world with me. Someone that is up for the highly taxing lifestyle. Plus, I love meeting new women. I view it the way I view finding a sunken ship. You never know what you are going to find on any given day.”

Chump: “I see.”

Me: “Well, it looks like it’s just you and me today. You never know. There might be a chick that is really into long division here. Good luck, pal.”

Chump:” This might not be my scene. I think I’m going to get going. Have fun though.”

Me: “Good decision. This isn’t the place for you.”

The number jerk leaves and it’s just me and 5 girls. I take my seat and start accessing shit. 2 of the girls are overweight, so they are automatically disqualified. 1 is just fugly looking. and the last 2 look pretty good. One is a blonde, about 26, nice body, good rack and a cute face. The other is kind of a fake alt chick. She has jet black hair and a huge set of tits. She’s dressing kind of funky compared to the other one.

The dude hosting gets up and gives his talk about how this is going to work. He makes a joke about how it’s a bit lopsided with me being the only guy. The girls laugh. I don’t. I’m focused. In the zone. When he is finished he asks if there are any questions. I stand up.

Me: “I’d like to save some time and awkwardness and let the 2 fat chicks and that broad know that I’m not at all interested. You can leave now or we can sit in silence for 8 minutes.”

The fake alt chick laughed for some reason and the rest of the place was kind of quiet. The host just stood there not knowing what to say. Finally after a minute or so the 3 girls I shunned were packing up and slinking away to go eat some fast food or whatever the fuck they do. Time to get going.

The blonde sat down first and began questioning me about this and that. I stopped her and redirected her focus onto something more familiar to her. Herself.

Me: “I think we both know I have my shit together. The question really is ‘Why you? Why should I choose you?’

Blonde whore: “I was thinking that we BOTH had a say in this.”

Me: “Don’t think. Just follow your gut. You know that I’m going to provide the excitement you need in life. You THINK you want security and a nice guy. You KNOW in your heart that you just want to be fucked by someone that knows what the fuck they are doing. You WANT passion. You WANT me.”

Blonde whore: “I don’t know. Maybe I do. I’m not really sure.”

Me: “If you are not sure, get up and get going because I know what the fuck I want and it’s someone that doesn’t sit on the fence. It’s someone that is ready to go for the ride. Hold on tight or get the fuck  going and send the brunette over.”

Blonde whore: (long pause) “Ok. Pick me. I want to go for the ride.”

Me: “Maybe. Times up. Wait over there.”

Blonde whore: “Please.” as she gets up and walks away.”

The black haired whore comes over and sits down. She has a cocky look on her face.

Black haired whore:”First of all, that was freakin funny as hell telling those fatties to leave.”

Me: “I wouldn’t laugh too hard. You were right on the borderline. I just kept you around to make the blonde work for it. What makes you so special?”

She was not expecting this. I could tell it took her out of her comfort zone, which is exactly what I wanted.

Black haired whore:”Well, I’m more fun than her. She looks like a blonde bimbo. I’m interesting. I do a lot of fun stuff.”

Me: “Interesting is a dime a dozen. I can find interesting anywhere. Fuck. I can PRETEND you’re interesting if I want. What else do you have?”

Black haired whore:” I fuck on the first date.”

Me: “I could get her to fuck me in the bathroom right now. Next.”

Black haired whore:” I don’t know. What do you want?”

Me: “Full control. Of you. Starting now.”

Black haired whore:” What? Really? I don’t even know you.”

Me: “You have 3 seconds to decide.”

Black haired whore:”Ok. Ok. I’ll do it. Whatever you want.”

Me:” Fail. Freak. I was just fucking around. get lost. You lose.”

Black haired whore:”but….”

Me: “Bye. See ya.”

She gets up and starts to leave. I tell her to stop and wait for a minute. I call the blonde over and have them both sit down. The event host is still just sitting down watching the whole thing unfold.

Me: “Obviously, you both want to be with me. You both have some qualities I like and some things about you that I fucking hate. I’ve decided I’m going to give you both a chance. I will see each of you once this week and make  a decision based on that date. Give me your numbers and get going. Go home and think of where you want to take me on our date. I’ll call you both tomorrow and set something up.

I thought the night was a success. These broads were as easy to manipulate as regular porn whores but without the banged out pussies. I guess we’ll see how this goes this week. I’ll keep you fuckers posted.

Out!

Jack