I’m at the grocery store in the produce section minding my own business (Just buying brocolli. No big deal.)when all of a sudden I almost get knocked on my ass. Some fucking horror show of a whore just fucking barrels into me because her fat cunt of a body can’t fit down an 5 foot aisle. This sets me off because:
a) I don’t like fat people to touch me.
b) I don’t like fat people that have no manners. The fucking pig never even said “Excuse me.” Not that even that would have been acceptable.
c) I don’t like fat people to touch me.
Anyway, I turn to see her waddling away towards what I assume to be the candy or sausage section of the store. I instinctually throw a bunch of brocolli florets at her to get her attention.
Me:”Hey you just walked into me, you fucking mule faced fatty! How about saying “excuse me”, you ignorant cunt.”
Beast on 5k calorie diet: “I’m sorry. I didn’t see you.”
Me: “You couldn’t feel your fucking elephant body running into me? I can’t feel my legs since you practically crushed me against the shelving.”
Beast on 5k calorie diet: “Would you please not swear in front of my child. I said I’m sorry!”
Me: “Sorry isn’t going to give me feeling in my legs back.”
Beast of a 5k calorie diet: ” I’m sorry. I’m done talking to you.”
Then the wooley mammoth turns and continues on to search for bacon flavored ice cream.
Me: “Fuck you!”
At this point, I just try to gather myself and get back to shopping despite everyone in the produce department staring at me. I’m sure they are amazed that I’m fighting through the pain to continue on and shop for fresh local produce. The whole place was as silent as a morgue. I finally break the tension and answered the question everyone is thinking.
Me: “I’m fine. I’ll be ok. Don’t worry about me.”
The room still stared at me for a bit but eventually went about their business. I checked out with my groceries and headed to the parking lot. As I get into my car, I see fatzilla and her already morbidly obese child packing what looks to be a tsunami relief size grocery order into their car. I drive by and beep my horn getting their attention. When they look up I give her and her young child the finger and drive off. Satisfied.
My body may be broken but my spirit is strong.
Jack
I can’t believe that fucking elephant had the audacity not to apologize to you, let alone walk into you. I’m also moderately concerned what this human race is coming to knowing that some shitty self-esteem piece of shit small dicked loser stuck his penis in her and spawned yet another overweight little turd. I’d like to punch him in his dumb insecure face for making yet another pudgy whore feel wanted, because we all know most fat chicks will do anything you tell them for attention, including giving a little dicked loser a [false] boost of self esteem by pleasuring him.
I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and not losing sight that just because she can fit 3 wildebeests in one of her pant legs doesn’t mean she can disrespect you and take up the whole aisle then bump into you without apologizing!
And kudos on the bacon flavored ice cream comment, I’m dying here!
BwaaaaaaaaHaaaaaa. You’re like a ticking time bomb man. That fatty got off easy.