I kinda fucked up my back at the gym this weekend. Nothing major (not that you fucking jerks care) but enough to aggravate me. The last thing I need is more aggravation in my life. I’m a walking ball of stress when things are going great for me. Nevermind when shit sucks. Anyhow, I work up sore as a motherfucker today and as the day went on it kept getting worse. I decided to get a massage. I wanted it done right so I wasn’t going to go to one of those jack joints where the pigs rub your back for 5 minutes and then give you a hand gallop for $50. I wanted it done right. I did some research online and found reviews for this licensed massage therapist not too far from my house. I call and she can see me this afternoon. I show up and it’s in her house. Whatever. I go in and this broad is actually pretty hot. She’s about 25, 5′ 9″, dark hair and dark eyes. She goes over what she’s going to do. She asks if I want music. I tell her I don’t want music or her to yap during the whole fucking thing. She promised not to talk too much.

We get started and she is actually fucking good. REAL GOOD. About 30 minutes into it I’m feeling great. Very relaxed. I glance over at her and I think she looks even better than when I got there. Probably because my back wasn’t killing me anymore. Then shit got weird.

Me: My back feels much better.

Her: Good. I aim to please.

Me: Great. I’d be pleased if you finished by blowing me. I’ll give you an extra $100

Her: : I don’t do that. Please don’t even suggest that again or I’ll have to terminate this session.

Me: I’ll give you a grand. $1,000 dollars to finish by blowing me. I’m serious.

Her: :pause: a thousand dollars?

Me: Yep. Cash right now. Nobody will ever fucking know.

Her: I don’t know. I never.. blah blah blah

Me: Easy fucking money. 15 minutes and you’re a grand richer.

Her: Umm.. I don’t know. maybe. Ok. Well … ok. I’ll do it but blah blah blah

Me: Great. I’ll give you a $100

Her: What? You said a thousand!!!

Me: Right. That was just to allow you to see that you’re really just a whore and that you’re capable of sucking off a stranger for money. Now I’m teaching you a lesson in economics.

Her: Get out!!! Get the fuck out!

Me: Whatever, whore.

I get up and leave.

The moral of the story is If you plan on being an asshole, plan on getting a free massage!

My back has never felt better.

Jack