Alex Sanders. Alex “I’m a smug motherfucker with retardedly long hair and I refuse to let go of the 80’s” Sanders. You used to bang the hottest whores in porn. For the longest time you were ruining 100’s of videos a year with your smug attitude and goofy facial expressions. You were on top of the world in the 90’s. Teenage boys all over the planet envied you for all the fucking you did. You were an icon.

Now you’re fat. You have given up. All those years of banging whores and acting like the man… and now you eat candy bars for breakfast. How did it happen? Do you now hate pussy? Are you allergic to looking good? The funniest part of this whole (HYSTERICAL) development with you appearance is YOU KEPT THAT FUCKING LONG HAIR! Seriously pal, buy a mirror and a fucking calendar (and some Dexatrim.)  Don’t get me wrong, I love it. I wish I could be there as you jiggle up to someone at an all you can eat buffet and explain that you are a pornstar. I won’t have that opportunity though because I don’t go to ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFETS!

In closing. Lose some weight Mr. fatty fat fat

P.S. Some foods come in low fat and fat free varieties now. Something to consider. Ok that’s all, Fatty.