I got woken up by a call from a friend of mine that occasionally runs girls in town. He tells me he has this hot new 21 year old that wants to do porn. He says she has the tightest fucking body and a gorgeous face. He also tell me that she is the nuttiest whore he’s ever met. “Bring her to me.” I tell him. We set something up for this afternoon and I go get some shit done and then get ready for the shoot.

She shows up and my buddy was not lying. This little slut was hot as a motherfucker. I think he undersold her on the nutty though. This little pig was completely off the charts. She walks in and walks right past me and LAYS DOWN ON MY COUCH. Um Ok. Being loony must be pretty fucking exhausting. Not wanting to get her too spooked I say “Hey. Get up. Worky time not sleepy time!” She sits up and I go over the details of everything. I ask sleeping beauty what she wants for her stage name and this is her stupid lunatic reply “Queen of the Castle.” Good fucking Christ this is going to be a long fucking day.  ”I don’t even understand that. What the fuck do you want people to call you?” She then goes into some long winded nonsense about being this noble blah blah blah” Finally I said “Your name is Britni. Now get your crazy ass in the bathroom and get ready before I lock you in the closet until your sane.”

Normally, at this point I’d be losing my shit. I think I was more calm today for a couple of reasons. One, she was a fucking 10. She is money in the fucking bank. Secondly, I’m about to fuck this hot little slut. It’s tough to get too riled up when a supermodel looking whore is about to toss her pussy at you.

She comes out of the can and immediately tells me that her parents own Europe. Awesome. She thinks that Her family OWNS a continent. “Please shut up. PLEASE!” I start to consider gagging her, but thought better of it. We got started and with the exception of her blurting out some more foolishness, it actually went better than I would have expected for a scene with such a fruitcake. She did love to fuck too. At one point she actually said “I want to fuck on the ceiling.” It was great fucking her but at that point I just wanted to wrap it up and send her back to her home planet.

While she was cleaning up I wondered if she was crazy enough that I could pay her in fucking spoons or ice cubes or something. I would have loved to see my buddy’s face when she handed him 2 spoons as HIS cut. Fuck, I even thought about telling her that they were magic spoons. Since I am an honorable man, I paid her in cash and sent her on her way. I’ll tell you, this shit isn’t fun everyday but it is never boring.

Jack