I’m sitting here writing today’s blog post from a Starbucks in the not so great state of CT. Why? Because I decided to get drunk and drive to the casino last night. My plans fell through last night to meet some friends for booze so I just stayed in an did some editing and fucking around online. About 11PM I had a pretty good fucking buzz going. I hate to fucking waste a good buzz so I tossed down a few percosets and grabbed my keys and headed to the casino. I took 3K with the intentions of turning that shit into 25K. I headed down Rt 95 to teach the Indians who the fuck not to mess with at the Craps table. About 45 minutes into my drive I had to piss like a fucking racehorse. I pull over to the side of the road and took a leak. When I got back to my car a state trooper was just pulling up behind me. “What are you doing, sir?” He asked me. “I’m taking a leak.” He started walking around my car looking in with his flashlight. Then he starts asking me where I’m going, have I been drinking, blah blah blah. I answered his questions and then I started to get a little pissed off. “Hey, Are we gonna shoot the shit all night or can I go? I didn’t bring any camping gear to spend the night out here. I’d like to get to the casino pretty fucking soon.” He gives me a stare and then says “Next time use a restroom before you leave home. Drive safe.” I got back in my car and double timed it to the casino. That fucking cop held me up for 25 fucking minutes. I have a wad of cash burning a hole in my pocket. I finally make it to the casino and I see all the sad losers walking out with their heads down. Broke motherfuckers. They probably play the slot machines like big dummies.
I walk up to the craps table and buy-in. The dude to my right has the dice and I start off strong. Within 15 minutes I’m up about $600. I throw down a few more percs and start raising the stakes. I keep moving strong for awhile. I have a good size stack in front of me when things start to turn. I may have hit the booze a little too hard but all of a sudden I started getting really tired. Not being an IDIOT, as soon as things started to turn I hit the brakes and took my cash and went for a walk. I walked over to the bar and ordered a drink. As soon as I sit down, some whore approached me.
“Hi! Is this seat taken?” she said
“Hello! Hit the road, Whore. I’m not buying pussy tonight. Peddle your sorry ass elsewhere.” I tell her
“You don’t have to be rude.” she says.
”I don’t have to kick you in the cunt either but I’m willing to go that route too.”
She gets up and leaves. I down my drink and head off to find another table, feeling rejuvenated from that exchange with the hooker.
I spent the next 4 hours beating the fuck out of those Indians at their little craps table. When I left they must have felt like General Custer just visited them. I fell short of my 25K goal but I ended up winning 6k. Not too bad for a drunk guy. They offered to put me up in one of their rooms for the night, which I accepted. As I checked out they said that I could come back next weekend and stay in one of their suites. “We’ll see, Tonto!”
Now I’m done with my coffee and done with today’s entry. I’ll catch you motherfuckers tomorrow!
Out
Jack
